Today’s message from Pastor Paul really helped define what has gone wrong in past relationships. AND, more importantly, will help me define what a healthy relationship should look like as we begin to truly move forward in our new friendships.
Friendships ebb and flow. Some last for decades or a lifetime, and others are only for a short season, but all of them require a degree of commitment that can be gauged by asking these questions:
- How do they prioritize their relationships with others? Are they willing to let go of their preferences or plans in order to connect with you?
- How protective and loyal are they to other important people in their life? Do they make fun of or speak poorly about you or the people closest to them in pubic? Are they devoted and trustworthy?
- How transparent are they about their dreams, hurts, successes, and disappointments? Do you find yourself shut out of important parts of their life?
- How willing are they to make personal sacrifices of time, finances, kindness, or other resources? Do they call or contact you when it is convenient for them or when it might be inconvenient?
- Do they give deference to others? Are they the most important or do they tend to take most of the credit? Do they deflect praise and freely give credit and affirmation to others?
But to be fair, before I started asking these questions about others, I took a close look at how my commitment to others stacks up to these questions. It might be helpful for you to do the same. Ask those closest to you where you best demonstrate these traits and where you might need to work a little harder.
A truly healthy relationship will have these traits going in both directions. There will always be some ebb and flow, give and take. But if one or more of these is consistently lacking, being willing to take an honest evaluation of your commitment level would probably be a good idea. If you find yourself in a relationship where most of these are missing, on your part or theirs, it might be a good time to evaluate the worth and importance of the relationship as a whole.
As I look back over the last ten or so years, and I can easily see where I failed people. I can also identify where people failed us in these areas. In some cases, there were specific events or circumstances when one or more of these healthy characteristics began to slip or disappeared altogether. My fault, their fault, everyone’s fault, or no one’s fault, the commitment to keeping the relationship healthy faltered, and the friendships were no longer viable or profitable for either of us.
In the reverse, there have recently been people brought into our lives with whom these traits flow easily back and forth. We look for ways to actively promote and seek out the good of the other. It’s how things are supposed to work!
If you would like to hear the message as it was delivered by Pastor Paul or the entire Mind Your Heart series, check out Fairhaven.com!
Currently Reading:
- Crown of Midnight by Sarah J Maas (Audio)
- Imdalind – The Ruby Collection Vol 1 by Rebecca Ethington
- (Devotional – YouVersion) Who You Were Made To Be from Gather Ministries
Playlist:
- Holy Ground by Passion
- Faithful to the End by Bethel Music and Paul McClure
- By The Cross by Red Rocks Worship
- Jericho by Andrew Ripp
- Holy Water by We The Kingdom
- This Is Me by Keala Settle (The Greatest Showman Soundtrack)