It’s Friday, but today started out more like a Monday. I slept horribly, with heartburn most of the night, and bad dreams the rest. I woke up irritated and edgy with no real explanation. I tried to get some work done before getting in the shower, but none of the websites would cooperate. And worst of all, I got the settings wrong on the coffee pot and put a single cup under the brewer that was set for a half pot. I cleaned up the mess and left the house 10 minutes late and only half caffeinated.
I promise, no other drivers were injured during my half-cafe drive. (At least none that I know of…)
Needless to say – It was a difficult morning.
My thoughts were all over the place, and my brain bounced from one task to another leaving me feeling overwhelmed and unable to sort out what was actually important. On the phone with Robert, I whined about job struggles and how impossible it would be to resolve the issues because – more issues!
There was nothing rational about my reactions, words, or thoughts. I was, as the internet is fond of saying, a hot mess by the time I got to work. Once coffee was properly brewing in the break room, my brain spitout one good idea.
“You need to read your daily devotion.”
My hands grabbed for my phone like it was the only thing that could save me.
Acts 16:16 One day as we were going down to the place of prayer, we met a slave girl who had a spirit that enabled her to tell the future. She earned a lot of money for her masters by telling fortunes.
In the devotional by Matt Chandler (To Live Is Christ Tone o Die Is Gain), he points out how Paul dealt with the irrational behavior of this little girl who was irritating the mess out of him and his companions with her constant interruptions.
Mr. Chandler says, “He does not invite her to a Bible study, and he does not appeal to her intellect on and level. He doesn’t appeal to her reason. She’s irrational.”
My spiritual ears perked up.
He continues, “No – instead, in an act ofHoly Spirit power, he rebukes and exorcises the spirit that rules her on the inside.”
Mr. Chandler contrasts this approach with the way he spoke earlier in the chapter with a woman named Lydia. In her case, “Paul engaged with her intellectually. With the slave girl, the gospel gets to her heart when Paul engaged her spiritually.”
This reminded me that I cannot rationalize with my irrational thoughts or emotions. They are, well, irrational. My efforts to talk myself out of the growing panic and/or discouragement would be a waste of time.
What I needed was to call on the Holy Spirit to take down the spirit that was trying to move in on his territory. I don’t have the strength or the ability to fight my own irrationality when *I* am the one who is being irrational!
Duh!
The end of verse 16 kicked me out of the downward spiral and gave me something to focus on. The hapless slave-girl was being controlled by a spirit that gave benefit to her master. Someone was controlling not only her behavior, which was bad enough, but someone else was profiting from both of them!
I asked myself: Who is controlling me, and who benefiting from my irrational behavior?
There was no denying I had surrendered at least partial control of my thoughts to the spirit of fear. Most of what kept me up at night were lists of all the things I needed to do, had neglected to do, or might be asked to do. The longer the list got, the more items my brain found to add, and here’s the kicker. Everything felt URGENT. When I tried to separateand prioritize the tasks, my brain would try a different tactic and start listing all the smaller tasks that would be required to complete the original one.
It was a vicious, never-endingspiral that made me feel totally helpless and overwhelmed. Fear drives me to look at all the ‘what ifs’ and ‘could bes’ the upcoming hours or days might bring. I try very hard to look into the future to ‘see’ what’s coming.
Much shrieking and wailing usually follows.
Knowing then that I had (once again!) let fear override my intellect, I asked what should be the next logical question…Is this helping anything?
Nope. Not even a little. Fear is a liar. And – we all know who else the Bible calls a liar…
John 8:44 – You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murder from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
And as a Christ Follower, I have one Father – God. I can’t begin to believe that my irrational behavior benefited Him! Which means, the only one gaining anything from my fear was the master of the spirit of fear and lies – the devil himself. He has no claim on my soul, but boy, oh boy, can he mess with my emotions! In those irrational moments when I gave fear control of my thoughts and feelings, I was giving the enemy ‘mastery’ over my mind and emotions.
That sobered me up pretty quickly. Thankfully, my actions did not reflect the turmoil going on inside my brain, and I was able to act right even when I wasn’t thinking right. But even if my actions were ‘right,’ every part of my life is supposed to bring God glory, honor, and worship. God gets none of that from my irrational thoughts and emotions.
By heeding the Holy Spirit’s prompting, I regained my focusand put God back in control of my mind and heart. But ONLY when I stopped trying to rationalize with my irrational self, and acknowledged that the answer wasn’t an intellectual one, but a spiritual one.
“For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities in the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.”Ephesians 6:12