Worship Anxiety Away

It is 3:15 in the morning as I type this. I’ve been awake for more than an hour struggling with anxious and self absorbed thoughts about all my failures over the last few days.

Things like: forgetting to add a family member to the guest list for our open house. A frustrating encounter with a customer at work that left me in tears. Robert being sick, and I’m stressed that he hasn’t gone to the dr. The longer I lay awake, the longer list got, causing my mind to chase itself in tighter and tighter circles of self-pity and selfish thoughts.

After laying in bed praying for God to just let me go to sleep, I finally did the smart thing. I made a mug of warm milk and honey then went to my office to fill my mind with God’s word instead of my own.

It was 2:30 when I cracked open the Bible. I started with my daily verses which usually bring the needed comfort, but it took a little more effort.

I turned to all the usual places. The Psalms, Proverbs, Ephesians…but I couldn’t shake the anxiety climbing my back. It had been there since the day before, and didn’t seem inclined to go anywhere.

Then I pulled out a scripture writing plan and found a list of verses about anxiety and a list of verses pointing to moments of worship.

See, I know me, and I know all those verses about anxiety. I’d quoted many of them while lying wide awake in bed. The verses are truth, but throwing a verse at something without taking steps to change the focus of the thoughts wouldn’t make much difference. All that would do, for me at least, is reinforce my inability to defeat it. 

What I needed was to couple the verses about how to swap the anxious thoughts in my head with worship instead. Lying on my back, I’d run though all the blessings we’ve seen happen in our life. I tried and tried to think of all the good things, but those darn worries and failures kept over shadowing my thankfulness.

I needed some reinforcement in the form of a good dose of God’s word.

The passage many people, including me, rely on most to curb, or at least manage anxiety is Philippians 4:6-8 Don’t worry about anything, instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are worthy of praise.

This is what I tried and tried to do. But I realized the issue was this list of things I was so thankful for kept my focus on me and the world around me. Being focused on me and the world around me is what was causing the anxiety!

Don’t get me wrong, being thankful is a powerful, beautiful, healthy way to live, but it’s not enough to stop there. I know that it’s only when my mind is set on Who I’m thanking that real peace comes. That’s why I knew I needed to partner my anxiety verse with a worship verse.

And at the top of that scripture writing list I mentioned earlier, the very first verse was Daniel 2:20-23 He said, “Praise the name of God forever and ever, for He has all wisdom and power. He controls the course of world events; He removes kings and sets up other kings. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the scholars. He reveals deep and mysterious things and knows what lies hidden in the darkness, though He is surrounded by light. I thank and praise You, God of my ancestors, for You have given me wisdom and strength.

It became clear to me that the anxiety I wrestled with wasn’t just about an aggravating customer, my own forgetfulness, or Robert’s health. They just happened to be the most recent highlights, but this world is a mess right now. It’s not really anything new. (Just for fun, read the book of Ecclesiastes. Seriously, there is nothing new.) But *I’ve* never lived through times like this before, and minimizing the mental and emotional strain of a global pandemic, an election year, riots, and a whole app full of differing opinions on said issues only leads to sleepless nights and worries that grab ahold of the closest or most recent issue and make them much bigger than they are.

The solution?

Reminding myself that God is still God. He is still on His throne, and He hasn’t given up control. He sees it all, and He knows it all. He is the only light in the darkness, and nothing hides from His light.

I learned a long time ago that fear of the dark isn’t really fear of the dark. It is a fear of what’s lurking in the dark that I can’t see. Most of my anxiety comes from not knowing what will happen next. Even when I stew over a mistake I made, the worry comes in not knowing what the repercussions will be.

But here’s what I do know.

God knows, and He is in total control of all the things I don’t know. Therefore, I don’t need to know because I trust Him, and I am reminded why I can trust him when I look back at all the things He’s done for me, and all the times He has given me wisdom and strength when I asked Him.

It’s now 4:03, and I may or may not be able to go back to sleep, since my alarm will be going off in an hour anyway, but I can say with complete sincerity that my thoughts are no longer anxious, and I that means I have one more thing to thank Him for.

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